4 words: hood of his car
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
