her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
