Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
