i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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