It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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