I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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