Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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