would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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