Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
