I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
