There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just had sex on a roof
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
