here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
