Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
