I hate all girls vehemently.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Can Purell be used as lube?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
