Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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