I bet he comes in French.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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