He kissed a someone with a penis
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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