i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
