she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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