Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
and she was petting her beer can
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
