somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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