I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
