it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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