I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
