it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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