Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
