turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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