Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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