You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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