Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
