Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
