i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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