I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
