eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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