I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
