we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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