It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
