i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
