So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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