I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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