quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
