I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Plan B is the new Plan A
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
