I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
