He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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