i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
