i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
