I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
