There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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