i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
