Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
COCAINE IS GR8
The Olympian is in my bed
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
