She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
