She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
