I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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