Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
