No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
foreskin is a definite game changer
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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