If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
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I didn't notice because vodka
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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