Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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