I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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