I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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