Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
